What the counsellor said about forgiveness...

1. First off, forgiveness begins with a legitimate injury. Understanding and being honest is the first step towards resolving issues. Being honest is the first stage towards freedom from past injuries.

2. The second part of forgiveness is that there is no such a thing as getting even. If someone has hurt you, it means you trusted the person. One can never be hurt without being vulnerable. Causing someone else pain does not take pain away; it merely acts as a distraction. Every act of revenge simply buries one's pain. The deeper it’s buried, the more revenge will be required to keep the pain from being felt. The cycle never ends.

3. The third part of forgiveness – and the most important – is that forgiveness means laying down one's weapons. What are weapons? Yelling is a weapon, being aggressive is a weapon. Weapons are things one does to lash out at other people or to “get even” to protect ourselves.

4. Fourth part of forgiveness is recognising that forgiveness is not the same as trust. Many people think of forgiveness as being totally released from hurt as though nothing has happened. Trust is dependent on the person who has hurt you, and forgiveness is dependent on you. Forgiving someone gives the person the opportunity to change their ways; changing their actions is entirely up to the person.

5. Fifth part of forgiveness is that forgiveness means grieving. Forgiveness means letting your hurts die. Another reason we grieve is that we cannot embrace a new future, if we are still holding on to the past. Unforgiveness causes a person to feel that they have to keep their guard up. Until the past injury is grieved, those injuries will continue to block that path. Forgiveness allows the offended freedom to love again and not be bitter and alone.

God first made Man. Then He made Woman to accompany Man. He made Woman from the ribs of Man...

And so, I realise now that only by letting my past go, then that what has happened to me in the past decade will not continue to eat up my future...embracing change and keeping to my principles, following my heart and doing what's right...

Will you walk with me?

Road to recovery

For the past decade, too much has happened and I was lost.

I lost myself when I hardened my heart. I lost myself when I could not focus nor reflect and did not allow myself to mature for personal betterment. I am not proud of situations where I could have reacted / handled differently. I was afraid of situations I could not control. And when I did not have the courage to face up to what was happening, I used anger to cover up how I really felt. That was how lost I was. I never really opened my heart to anyone else, despite knowing how much I felt deep down.

When a business unit breaks apart, as working professionals, we zoom in and analyse what has gone wrong. It is akin to the black box of an airline which has crashed. Look past the debris, look past the destruction and emotional trauma, and take stock of what had deviated in processes, conduct appropriate risk assessments and put in place plans to protect the business unit so that the past will not reoccur. Everyone makes mistakes in this lifetime, I've come to realise, it's what you take out of it that matters. Who's to say that making mistakes is unforgivable. God gave his disciples a second chance, and the prodigal son too. We all have to move past controlling people and things we do not understand. Conducting an assessment - what, why, how, when, who.

What -
1) The environment. It was too challenging an environment set to create distance and was prone to way too many external factors. Distance breeds neglect, distance breeds resentment, distance breeds temptation. Without a difficult environment, sustainance is already a challenge in itself, why make it even more challenging?

2) The mindset. What makes a unit? What is the definition of a unit? Is there even one? Of course, life is what truly what you make of it. A glass of water can always be half-empty or half-full. But fundamentally speaking, a unit denotes a team. When there is a team, there is support. When there is support, there is clarity. When there is clarity, one is able to develop maturity. When you develop maturity, nothing very much can shake you if you keep in focus. No temptation, no resentment, just focus and understanding. And a constant reminder for endurance, as well as alignment of mindsets to stay in focus.

3) Understanding. Conditioning of the human mind is an interesting subject matter. Generally guilty of taking and not giving, a lack of appreciation for the little things in life, and being obstinately in denial, even in the face of advice and love. I would without doubt raise my hand to being guilty of all three. All-assuming thinking I knew best, when I didn't. When I'm wrong, I have to say I'm wrong. Acceptance is the first step. There is nothing threatening about giving before taking (or even not taking at all), nothing worrisome about opening up to being an open book, nothing wrong with forgiving all the hurt in the last decade so that a better brick road can be built. Using anger to cover up was pure cowardice. And destructive like a horrible tornado that wipes out long histories of towns and breaks lives.

Why -
This is the journey of life. Hence the saying that life is full of trials and tribulations, the good and the bad, the sweet and the sour. A decade of pain would only translate to a better decade ahead, only if one can take life's lessons in stride. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger and strengthen your faith. For e.g. look at Deutsche Bank's September 11 recovery, all the emotional trauma and destruction, and what did all the employees take out of it? Firstly, build a stronger bridge to recovery, they reflected on the gaps, put together a better contingency plan and the disaster that happened only served to bring everyone closer on a global level. Better late than never.

How -
1) Perserverence is key; endurance promotes flawless execution, and helps flawed execution reach the deliverable goals.

2) Action plan. A task list helps keeps things in check. A scheduled action plan helps keeps work-life balance, and eliminates confusion.

Change like life is what you make of it.

When -
Every second delayed is time wasted towards reaching a decided goal. Look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Who -
Change comes solely from within. Only if one subscribes to the belief and is personally convinced, then only will embarking on a life-changing stance prove fulfilling and successful.

Last but not least, crisis management.

Review, evaluate, implement and always keep in check.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gona get. Will a chocolate truffle make your day, or will a vanilla caramel bring a smile to your face, or will even a switch from truffle to caramel result in greater joy, no one really knows isn't it?

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for showing me love, and finally I can say this to only one person in my life, thank you for bringing realisation to my life with regards to personal betterment. Likewise, you make me want to be a better person. The greatest joy in life for me, to love and being loved in return.

0 sleeps to the New Year and beyond

Happy 2009!

What a crazy year 2008 has been. Turbulent ups and downs, literally with the global markets, and everything else in my life. Well, I say things can only get better, no?

Any reflections in check for the new year ahead? For me, it's solely and fundamentally to stay focused. Maintain that focus so that I can achieve and fulfill more in return. And good health and happiness to all whom I love! Less heartaches / heartbreaks in this new year...

Off to a good start, JS was so sweet to drop me this cute little Chanel New Year card. And with a little extra gift to compliment it too. How nice!

ODJ #1 - New Year's Day
Top: Grey Dolmain Top by F21
Accessories: Topshop Necklace and Chloe padlock handbag in Elephant
Bottom: BYSI black pants
Shoes: Black Strappy CLs

R sneaked a shot of me while we were out in town.

I absolutely love this F21 top, it seems so very versatile, and at USD15 - who can possibly beat that?

ODJ #2 - Jan 3rd 2009 (coffee with CL at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf)
Top: White Alexander Mcqueen skull tank tee
Accessories: Gucci Denim small bucket tote
Bottom: MNG black mini

Shoes: Lanvin Navy Patent flats

Bracing myself for another year ahead!

xoxo

sway

Outfit du jour - Birthday Dinner Saturday Night @ Indonesian restaurant in Raffles Place
1. AA dress in White and Black
2. Balenciaga City in Sky Blue
3. Diva Necklace
4. CL Very Prive in Black Patent with Burgundy Tips

It's the last month of 2008. How time flies. So much has happened this year alone, and it'd soon be reflection time before the new year. Quite a few of my dreams have been fulfilled - hopefully however bleak the year ahead looks, there will always be a glimmer of hope however small.

So, any plans for the New Year countdown?

when the leaves fall

I love autumn. When the leaves all turn orange and yellow, with lovely hues of rusty browns. It's always been my favourite season. Serene, peaceful, and totally relaxing. I miss New York. I miss Paris. I miss Rome. I miss Melbourne.

One more month to Christmas. Hanging in there.

And I've got a new song uploaded here...enjoy!

Comme des Garçons For H&M

(click pic to enlarge)

The mad rush for renowned avante-garde designer Rei Kawakubo's Comme des Garçons (French for "like boys") long awaited collection at H&M was beyond a doubt one of the craziest things that has happened in this recession year - the entire collection sold out in a few hours globally from Canada to Shanghai on 13 November 2008. Wow. Now tell me again, why is it the case that we don't have a H&M store in Singapore? Bummer!

Anyway, my camera's been filling up and I've come to realise I'm lagging behind in posting all the pictures I've taken over the weeks. It's been work, work and more work.

Well, now that I'm back, here goes...

First up, Durrow gal's birthday at Blue Basil, Cairnhill - it was a nice lunch but service standards at the restaurant have to improve heaps! Happy Birthday babe!


Moving along...

Outfit du jour #1 - Avenue Q musical @ the Esplanade
1. Marc by Marc Jacobs Criss-cross Dress in madrid red (which has become one of my favs)
2. Necklace by Diva
3. Chloe Paddington Bag in Elephant
4. CL Very Prives in black patent

Outfit du jour #2 - First workday of the week
1. Front tie pleated chiffon dress
2. Marc Jacobs Sophia bag in rose
3. CL declics in nude kid leather

So, finally Yappy, YS, R and I made our way down to MacRitchie Reservoir's HSBC Treetop Walk last Sunday. We took approximately 2 hours just to make our way to the Treetop Walk (that was an estimated 5km from our starting point). The view was pretty neat - definitely worth a visit for anyone who hasn't yet gone!


So there, it's only mid-week now and I can't wait for the week to end!

Girls' Night Out

Here we go...the first dinner leading to another year in the late twenties range...

Nice cosy Italian place Durrow Gal and myself stumbled upon at Mohamed Sultan Road corner of UE Square, which was a pleasant surprise as it turned out to be way better than we'd expected. Lovely dinner at Donta, with award winning Chef Luca Pezzera - it's no wonder.

Amazing appetizer of Australian scallops, generous mains of Lamb and Sirloin, topped off with a complimentary slice of Tiramisu and a fabulous Warm Chocolate cake with rum and raisin ice-cream on the side. Yums!

Not to mention, service was impeccable and we were thoroughly impressed!


Here's the interesting bit - do you believe in auras? The waiter who took our pics said I had an aura around me in the photo which meant that someone's sending me a signal that things will become clear to me in my life somehow...well, something to reflect on...

Thanks babe for the cosy dinner I couldn't have asked for more :)

Portraits

SF recently joked that as ladies, we should preserve our youth on film every year and a half...

With her very quote in mind, SF and I signed up for a Le Petite Portraiture session with Shin from The Pond. What then started off was a mad rush to get my curls done, and catching a cab down to the studio - all within lunchtime, before heading back to the Bank. It was a very interesting day.

Here's a taste of the end product...

Perhaps with each growing day as I count down the years, I can't help but still be amazed by what each day brings...to my daily routine, to my plate, to my journey of life...oh yes, and the curls are beginning to grow on me.

Almost back

How long has it been? Almost a few weeks now. Working 14 hour days - unimaginable, but actually true. Okay I shan't rant about work. I still love what I do and ain't tired of what I do just yet, only have to be convinced I'm working for the "right cause" in this particular stint. I've grown to realise that management skills can come from anyone, but good management skills are rare. Takes tons for a good "manager" to sit, listen and take in upward feedback, both good and bad.

My heart is still pounding over the US sales...haven't scored anything but my eyes are wide open...July's meant to be a good month...and August, I don't know really, I'll be another year older. For now, I only know what I'll be doing on the day I turn the big 3-0.

Look at my cousin's kid - how cute! This picture made my day :)

Ah yes, and I need to get all my new soles fixed before I can wear them out...the guccis, the YSLs, and hehe maybe the CL pythons if I manage to get my hands on them...

Am back from the US and something's killing me - I lost 2 luggages in transit. Apparently they didn't make it to my transit in LAX. UGH.

Hoping for good news real soon! All my shoes are gone :( And I'm in no mood for anything else.

Checking in from Toronto...

It's been 5 days into our trip! After an exhausting 23 hour flight from Singapore to JFK in New York with 2 transits in Narita (Tokyo), and Washington, here's a quick re-cap...

First stop:
New York Day Tour - The land tour group picked us up and we began a day tour in The Big Apple after a night's stay in New Jersey. The stops were quite well planned, we visited the Empire State building, Ground Zero, Wall Street, the Statue of Liberty, and Times Square.

Second day:
Headed up to Philadelphia. Met up with Jason in his new apartment in Philly. He's settling in well, and all's good! I love his new neighbourhood! Well, with Bath and Body Works, Steve Madden and the works literally at his doorstep - how can anyone complain! :) Saw the Hall of Independence and the Liberty Bell...and had the most amazing Cheese Steaks! Really yummy!

Third day:
Moving onto Washington D.C. Stopped by the museums, the memorials (Jefferson memorial and Lincoln memorial - a personal fav - etc), and not to mention, the White House. We squeezed in time to pop by H&M, putting the 20% discount voucher to excellent use! (And, I absolutely love H&M after this visit to the store in the US, it beats the outlet in Hong Kong anytime!)
Leaving Washington, we headed north to visit Hershey Chocolate World via Harrisburg. In the afternoon, we stopped by Corning Glass Center & Museum. After that, we moved onto pass the Canadian customs to arrive at the Niagara Falls by the evening. Enjoying the night view of the illuminated American Niagara Falls - it was breathtaking.

Day four:
We re-visited the Niagara Falls this morning to view the Falls in the daylight. Very magnificant! We then saw the Skylon Tower and after lunch, it was down to my personal highlight of the tour - the Maid of the Mist cruise at the bottom of the Falls! A real treat and any photographers' dream! Moving on from the Niagara Falls, we have now arrived at Toronto - having just seen the Financial District of Toronto (which is expectedly all 'dead' on a Sunday) and also the tallest tower in the world - the CN Tower (Canadian National Tower) - it's now back at the hotel for a night before moving onto Montreal tomorrow morning!

Well, maybe it's been a not too brief summary re-cap - but all's good - and I'm really happy we decided to come on this trip - away from work for us both - away from the banks - I still can't help but read Bloomberg every now and then when I manage to get any Internet access at the hotels, yet I'm loving every minute of the trip!

We're still just at the first leg of the trip before turning back to New York, where we've extended our stay in New York for 3 days, before leaving to Disney World in Orlando, and then it's off to Vegas!

Happy Memorial Weekend in the US! :) Have a good week!

la vie est trop courte pour s'habiller triste

As the Parisiennes say, "life is too short to dress boring". Indeed. What more can I say? This marked the "beginning" of a long love affair which commenced more than a decade ago.

I can't speak for anyone else, on my own I have never really been a clothes girl, which translates to say that I would not spend my last shopping d$llar on a dress. A shoes girl? Perhaps, but it is probably not going to be difficult for anyone to guess that my ultimate indulgence lies with my handbags.

Over a decade (or perhaps even more) my handbags have built up into a tiny fortune. R calls me "the collector of beautiful things" - and it is not unusual to see just why. I suppose I am not proud of my spending legacy, and to set the record straight, personally I believe it OKAY to be in debt for a mortgage (but not a car!)...However, I would never be in debt for a pair of Manolo's or a Kelly, goodness, talk about getting your priorities wrong. I buy something luxurious (and often quite unnecessary) with the money that is left over from investments and everything else, the money that I could afford to miss/lose/waste. For instance, if I get double pay at first quarter earnings announcement, then....WOW, yes, I would splash out into something gorgeous. And with this, a gentle reminder again that I have to remain employed or it would mean the end of my Chanel love affair.

I learned over time I have grown to love what I buy. My paintings, coats, shoes and bags live their lives with, grow on and grow old with me. It might be hard to fanthom but I've also grown more comfortable in my own skin and with time, have begun to carve out for myself my own tastes, and style. R also started showing me how to really take care of clothes. He can fold, stack, organize like crazy - inevitably makes me wonder if he was a Parisienne woman in his previous lifetime ha! Just like art. Stepping into the largest Fendi boutique in Rome made me go "wow" and it wasn't simply because the Fendi handbags were amazing - but the boutique looked like an amazing museum showcasing some of the designer's best creations. I left empty handed but so very much inspired such that even over coffee after, I was still smiling thinking back on some of the amazing pieces I saw at Fendi. Priceless!

And this was the exact feeling I had when I saw the 2 handbags winking at me...

The YSL mombasa (Limited Edition, Tom Ford era) which I acquired second-hand, fresh back from the cleaners - with the current season V-mail pouch...


And...look what the mailman brought me from London!

Yes, Chanel teaser....leading up to the gorgeous Chanel Timeless Classic in lambskin with Gold Hardware...

My heart stops. Once again, I am reminded of what I'm working for...it's the start of a long love affair...

Will update again from NY if I manage to find the Apple store...Salut!

"Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them." - Coco Chanel

what a girl needs

After a long hiatus, I am finally back writing. It is interesting how things work in life. When you least expect to find something, you almost always do. When you really want to find something, it eludes you. Odd.

Here I am, wishing, writing, planning around for our trip to the US, (which unbelievably is in 2 weeks!) and was just window shopping around the American brands in town when I started to feel almost as though I'd never find anything that would make me go "wow". And then that sprung into a entire chain of madness. Well, I call it madness.

If buying 1 bag and 1 pouch weren't crazy enough as it were. I've bought my dream Chanel from London. All in a week.

So there :) Enough bags for the year.

There's so much coming up - it's Mothers' Day this weekend, and we've got a BBQ at Yappy's lovely place the weekend after...More pics just before I leave for our "New York - Orlando - Las Vegas" trip. Promise!

of death and daffodils

It's been too long. Seems like I've been away for what has been more than a week. A funeral, and puffy sore eyes didn't help. I grieved for the loss.

Durrow Gal and I checked out the live fish spa somewhere near town (Novena area to be exact) - what an experience...it was a slight tickle but I guess it was slightly effective...I'm beginning to think the fishes were really starving at the rate they were clinging onto our feet and skin! Worth a try still nonetheless, for the experience if anything...

Elin came back from Tokyo with goodies! Am gonna repay the favour when I transit in Tokyo :)

R and I sneaked out to the showflat launch of the most expensive HDB (read, public housing) in Singapore...Cityview @ Boon Keng...furnishings look pretty fine, but personally though I won't find myself paying SGD600,000 (approx USD430,000) for that tiny unit on a 99year leasehold land, and it's only gona be built in 3-4 years' time. Not now, amidst the whole US sub-prime problem...really, it's a hefty price to pay for public housing, it's no wonder people aren't snapping the units up!



And that's my cue - I'm off to bed...this is really random but it's truly unbelieveable how earholes remain even after being untouched for 6 years...

Ah! I have to check out Marc Jacobs in Boston - can't wait :)

Hope you guys like the new song by Babyface on the blog - I love it - enjoy!

Ciao!

blessings

Sitting there with my aunt at another family member's wedding this evening - who would have imagined that there would be a connection between someone at the ripe old age of 20 something (never ask a lady her age) and a little woman aged 50 something? She made me laugh more than I had in a week. Amazing. And that little twinkle in her eye when she smiled at me - really warmed my heart. She even insisted on giving me a lift home. Truly, her being so endearing was what lit up my night at this wedding...that and seeing how two young ones very much in love ended up together after 8 long years. Rare in this day and age...Or am I being too pragmatic?

Words from Oprah, and a much younger Blogerator back then had said one of the best phrases in my life to date, "love yourself my dear, and your sparkle will bring more who will love you darling...just stop fishing in the wrong part of the ocean...babe, if you're getting rotten fishes now, you just have to move to another part of the vast seas..." And now he's with the man of his dreams :)

I guess his words struck a chord. We grow, we move forward, hand in hand...may there be lesser broken hearts with each passing day...

mind over heart

I couldn't sleep last night. It was a shift of sorts - drifting in and out of slumber...

Isn't it miraculous that even with a mortgage, a job that pays more which equates to greater deliverables, daily politics and mind games with the average human being, coupled with the four years that have passed...your shadow still lurkes in my heart.

Maybe it's just the imprints that you left behind which I can never fully relieve myself of. I was so young then. Footprints in the sand...I guess it's only human.

We've embarked on different journeys now. And the world is full of so many more different assumptions now. But I won't go running back again. I was so young then.

It took so long and so much help to pull me back up on track all these years.

And with 3 members of the family in Chicago now for J's convocation, and another 1 member of the family in Melbourne Australia, I feel like I've lost my voice, even if it was just for a fortnight. Doesn't quite make any sense, does it?





Yes I'm working even harder to reach even more of my dreams...suppose this is but the beginning...never say never, never say impossible, there's always a way about everything. I revamped the home single-handedly in less than a fortnight within a budget of Sgd 7,500 (approx Usd 5,000) and its pictures made their way into a local decor mag. One of my best achievements to date...and now it's back to the daily tolls in life...

Happy Easter

This is good...

[For the love of a game]

What would one do for the love of a game?
Would one do the things one does?
How low can one go?
How far would one go?
Spending every waking moment with someone else just so to use the other person to one's own benefit? (Can I just give my personal two cents', that's the height of stooping to a new level.)

[For the love of someone]

What would one do for the love of someone?
Even if one is so close to losing everything, anything else one would rather do without looking back?
Would one actually look deep within and seek the answers which are so apparent?

I think that's the beauty of mankind - having the choices in life. Only living life just this once, would we do the things we do? Seriously. I think it's a whole lot of bull if one thinks that there're no choices in life - I think it's more of a case of not being able to live up to the consequences of one's own actions and decisions made.

I've come to realise in the face of waking deaths, the cliché applies. Life is too short. Fortunately (or perhaps otherwise) I'm one of those who would show everyone else how much I love them each day so that I won't just lose everything and everyone the next day.

People close to my heart mean the world to me. But I guess, really that's just me.

I've never felt more alone.

And so, the boat has sailed...yet I can hear the winds whispering back in unison, "and quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

de integro

Work hasn't been easy. Well, not the work per se, but more of the uncontrollables that make it quite mentally exhausting. The firm's a good place to be. I have been reflecting for weeks now. A gentle reminder for me to count my blessings - really hasn't been easy getting to where I am. A whole year of search, coupled with the many rounds of trials I underwent, guess it made getting to the end bit and to where I am now a lot sweeter...and really, I am not about to give up.

Have given it a lot of thought, after a few rounds of online shopping and many diamonds later, R and I have decided to work towards what we want to achieve. At least there's comfort in knowing that our plans are more concrete now. It's a matter of strict discipline and focus for a couple of years.

Whoever did say that smart, independent women won't be able to balance it all, it is all a matter of never say never. And thanks to R for showing me the "why did i marry her?" article on Today newspaper this afternoon. It really put everything into perspective. Here's to those who think strong women should be frowned upon - it's your loss, not ours :)

in the name of beauty

It's amazing what we women do out of vanity. Unthinkable at times yet in a subtly amazing way somehow (does it even make sense?)

My latest fascination - eyelash extensions. Imagine batting your eyes away with luscious long lashes...I rest my case :)

Having seen G babe's "before & after" - I'm tempted now...

happy 1 month into the job

It's been a month into my new job and I'm happy :)

Work hasn't been always the easiest but everyone's been nice and the work's been fulfilling...I don't think I've seen so much in a month than I have anywhere else.

It was the right move and at the right time - looking forward to the days ahead!